Posted on Jan 15, 2015
This will be an unusual blog posting; but here goes…
Well, it has been a crazy ride since mid-September of 2014. One incident after another has kept me on me on my toes, primed for what could possibly be coming next. Here is an compilation of my Facebook posts to get you up to date.
September 2014
19–Bizarre day. Not even sure what to say about it. Still processing arriving upon the scene of an accident minutes after it happened and helping control traffic–except my parked truck with hazards flashing didn’t deter nearly enough people from driving around me and the scene of the accident! I left when the firemen said I was free to go. I’m still processing what I witnessed. I think I said that already…
22–Just a quick update that I got from a client today (not the person I offered to help at the scene). I don’t even know how to express this. The accident was a fatality as I suspected given the scene. The motorcyclist was on his way to his son’s wedding rehearsal. Coincidentally, the son & fiancée were at the same intersection. How tragic for the son to ID his dad’s body at the scene. The wedding took place the next day as planned. One of the guests was a friend of the client I saw today. Given what I was told at the scene, it is possible that the motorcyclist had a medical incident as a precursor to the collision as he wobbled on his bike and fell before he was struck by the vehicle behind him. How strange to reprocess the accident with a client today!
October
31–Truck to Dodge for servicing. Just a quick little rant about my visit to Olds/Mountain View Dodge yesterday. They were certainly in the Halloween Spirit. Quite the trick they played charging me $263 (plus change) to tell me they couldn’t reprogram my Central Timing Module that I had replaced, used, by a well-respected local mechanic shop. Really??? The used part cost less than their failed attempt to reprogram it! One hour of shop rate I could stomach–but a bunch of BS?!?! That’s expensive stuff! Back to the local guys for their 2 cents…
November
1–Apparently I have a new super-power–the ability to keep other dogs from barking while babies are sleeping inside. I was chastised today for not walking Elsa fast enough past a certain home this morning–as there was a baby in the house! I commented that I was working on it and that my dog was not the one barking. The dog in question also kept barking long after Elsa & I were out of sight. And I had just been thinking how proud I was of Elsa passing that particular house with very little incident! It used to be quite the scenario. She has been doing so well. If only that woman knew the whole story…mine & Elsa’s! Her comment still stings a little. But I’ll get over it. I was also proud of myself for speaking up for Elsa (& me)!
14–see November blog posting about returning to the dealership to have my bill cleared up.
Also in November Elsa took issue with a neighbour dog prompting the owner to say some very unkind things which triggered quite the trauma setback and a dysthymia dip for me. Days later, I was on my way to Calgary for a 3-day trauma & addictions conference where I met the presenter who offered me phone sessions. As well, I started a new drug at the end of the month.
In December I had my phone consultation with the trauma therapist and began to notice positive changes with my new medication. In the midst of all that, Christmas quietly came and went.
It is with huge relief that 2015 has arrived without much ta-do. I am looking forward to the many fresh starts the new year has yet to offer. So far so good. Nothing traumatic as of yet. Still on a healing journey. Meds continue to do their thing. On the right track…
May your 2015 be off to a fresh start with many blessings to encounter in the days ahead.
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Posted on Dec 20, 2014
WINTER, a sharp bitter day
the robin turns plump against the cold
the sun is week
silver faded from gold
he is late in his coming and short in his stay
Man, beast, bird and air all purging, all cleansing,
earth already purified awaits the rite of spring
Her bridal gown a virgin snow and frosts in her hair
A snowdrop by the road today bowed gracefully
and high upon the wing up in the sparkling nothingness,
a lone bird began to sing
Can gentle spring be far away?
~ Winter by Tommy Makem
I am always glad for the turning point in the year when the daylight returns. Even though these are considered the shortest days of the year, they feel like the longest–especially when the skies are overcast; and what daylight we do have is dim. This is a time to celebrate the changing of the seasons with brightly coloured lights strung upon evergreens. Life and Light continues even in the midst of bleak darkness.
This is also a season to clean out the darkest corners of our minds. This concept is sparked by a conversation yesterday about the reasons we have to face addictions (behaviour and chemical). We seldom do that for ourselves, but rather are motivated for some other reason—usually another living being or the risk of losing said being. We generally don’t have the self-worth to embark on such a hazardous journey for our Self.
The addictive behaviour or substance is what is for our own benefit—letting go of that coping strategy is for someone else. We weigh the risk of losing someone important to us, as heavier than the risk of losing what we think is holding us together, in order to salvage a relationship or lifestyle.
We might be about to lose a job or home—but that loss is tempered by what it will mean to others such as our families. It is one thing to create a homeless, jobless life for ourselves. It’s quite another to do that “to” people we truly care about. And sometimes we push away the people who care about us as we patch together some sort of life that supports our addiction of choice.
For me, I didn’t come face-to-face with the patches of my life until my dog, Gracie, died in March 2012. And I didn’t find the courage to face some of my many anxieties (especially social ones) until Elsa came along three months later. It quickly became apparent that to help Elsa with her anxieties, I’d have to face and deal with my own.
And as we have a few successes along the way of dealing with our patches, our coping strategies, we build the self-worth to tackle the hazards on our healing journey for our Self—when we finally get that we are worth the effort and want to make our own lives better.
Reminds me of Winter Solstice—we have to get through the darkest days in order to appreciate the new life Spring brings. May you find your own reasons to get through these darkest of days (and clean out the darkest corners) until we can awaken in the Spring.
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”
~ Albert Schweitzer
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Posted on Nov 17, 2013
Isn’t it funny how life sends us messages just when we need them? At least that has been my experience as of late. Last week at one of the support groups I lead, my affirmation card (Language of Letting Go Cards by Melody Beattie, 2005) was Accepting Change. Little did I know how pertinent that message would become!
Change in my marriage, change with my dog, change at my office, change with my phone/internet service provider. Each one significant on its own. A whirlwind of change when combined all together.
As anyone in a relationship is well aware, change happens frequently in how we relate to each other, what impacts our individual as well as our joint lives, subtle shifts occur. More dramatically, we are making huge strides in the socialization of our dog which involves learning her language so that we can better communicate with her. It is quite the challenge adjusting to her style of communicating which has a lot more to do with body language, gestures, and energy than it does with vocalizations. It is pushing me into a whole other level of awareness, tapping into skills and resources I didn’t even know I had. However, there is nothing quite so rewarding as being able to communicate in another language—albeit canine. Gives new meaning to crossing boundaries—in a healthy way.
Also of a significant nature, my office will be moving come December 1st –maybe sooner depending on painting. Fortunately, due to the imposition, I will not have to do the painting or moving of furniture. My Chronic Fatigue Syndrome exhales a huge sigh of relief. However, I will have to pack up my office and its current coziness with the hope of recreating something even better in the basement. Yes, the basement.
Given the underground location, I chose not to go with the same rich hue of dark brown for the walls. The new office will be Fern Green which remains consistent with my current accent colour palate, so minimal purchasing of new items. The move also comes with a price break, so that is a plus as well. I am actually looking forward to this transition which is somewhat surprising given my penchant for avoiding change.
An added bonus is the location right next to my group room making it easier for clients to find me. And I won’t have to go far if I leave something in either room. I will have new office neighbours who will need to get used to my coming and goings throughout the day. In a way, it is a blessing, because my former office neighbours relocated to their new digs in Olds. I miss their company already.
On a less dramatic note, changing service providers for phone/internet/cable may sound less than exciting, even inconvenient; but I am looking forward to less service outages and fewer calls for the previous owner of our current phone number. Conveniently, this change is happening right around the time for sending out Christmas letters. What a better time to inform family and friends of all the changes in our lives!
Maybe accepting change isn’t so hard after all.
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Posted on Nov 16, 2012
So what to write about this month? What have I been working on recently? Well, being married, there’s always relationship stuff going on. Being a therapist, issues are raised on a near daily basis that can have a personal affect on me. The last book I read was about narcissism. Before that, the 2nd edition of Motherless Daughters. And before that, The Hobbit.
My notes after reading The Hobbit indicate the themes that stuck out for me were harrowing adventures and friendships. As I think back to that book, what strikes me is the unlikelihood of the friendships that developed. Under normal circumstances, the hobbit the book is named for and the companions he has adventures with (dwarfs) would not normally take a long journey together. But with the guidance of the wizard Gandolf, not only did friendships flourish between unlikely characters, but also new acquaintances were made who eventually helped each other out at significant moments.
As well, not only does the hobbit learn more about himself throughout his journey; but he also learns more about the creatures beyond the safety and security of his home base. Some creatures are dangerous and to be avoided if at all possible; others are friendly and necessary alliances to successfully navigate the rigors of their journey. And of course, some appear dangerous but end up in the friendly alliance category.
I’m sure we can all think of people that fit these categories that we have encountered on our journeys through life. Some making a greater impact than others—either positive or negative—shaping how our journey goes along. Some making it safer, others adding to the danger.
My re-reading of Motherless Daughters actually fits with this theme as well. A note I made about that book was that my mother’s life, as well as her death, has influenced who I have become. Her presence, as well as her absence, has impacted my journey: the adventures I have faced; the friendships developed, broken, or avoided; decisions made; paths not taken. I have on occasion wondered what my life would be like had my birth mother not died. Where would I have grown up? What schools would I have attended? What would I believe about myself? Would I have different friends, a different husband? The possibilities are endless. And really, all the mulling returns to where I am and how my journey has actually meandered along. The paths that were taken, the friendships made, locations visited, places lived.
Even the book about narcissism can find its way into this theme. As we journey along and encounter various people and adventures, we, at times, have to learn new skills to navigate better. We are all somewhere along the spectrum of narcissism—from healthy self-awareness to damaging unawareness of our true selves. This also means we daily encounter people somewhere on this spectrum. And the more damaging the unawareness, the more difficult the interpersonal relationships. If we cannot view ourselves or others in healthy terms, we cannot interact in healthy ways.
So what have you been reading lately? How has it affected your view of the world, relationships, your journey through life?
May your adventures on your journey add to your character, your relationships, and your outlook.
Happy travels.
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Posted on Oct 17, 2012
This has been quite the summer and fall in Alberta. Glorious warm days alternated with typical cool ones. The leaves are nearing the finish of their fall resplendence. Soon, there will be naked trees awaiting a blanket of snow. It will be gray and bleary for a while before the sparkle of snow blinds our vision on those winter days of luminous sunshine.
Once again, it is a time of transition. Not only is the weather preparing us for yet another season, but fall schedules and programming are underway. Gone are the glory days of summer. It is back to work or school or whatever it is that marks the change of season in our individual lives.
And as promised, I am ready to give an update on this transition phase in our lives with our new dog. I am happy to report that anxiety levels are definitely on the decline—for both human and canine. For some reason, I am pleasantly surprised that I was able to find my calm and assertive self. My inner Alpha has surfaced.
By all means, the transition phase is far from over. Elsa’s anxieties, while reduced, are nowhere near obliterated. There remains a lot of work ahead of us to maintain pack leader status and a balanced environment. Just when we think we are making headway, the boundaries are tested once again. However, it is requiring less and less energy to re-establish tested boundaries. There is improvement even in the midst of regression.
Good for me to note on a daily basis. I can wallow in frustration and discouragement, or I can remind myself of how much better it is than back in July. Really, there is remarkable improvement in just over 3 months. And even though there are rounds and rounds of behaviour modification, there is also the sweet reward of a sensitive and faithful companion—who “just knows” when we are sad and could use an extra snuggle or tears licked away.
Improvement in the midst of regression. Reward in the middle of an uphill battle. The spiral affect we all face. Just as we clear an upward swing, there follows the accompanying downward spiral. Back up we climb, only to slide back a bit. And on it goes—slowly inching our way upward, forward. Learning as we go.
With each correction Elsa receives, my confidence grows. With each loving lick, my heart is rewarded. And so we continue to spiral along. Each on our own spiral of personal growth, yet intertwined, learning from each other.
May you encounter moments of growth and reward with each passing spiral of your day.
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Posted on Jun 14, 2012
Well, here we are in the middle of another month. There are a couple of options twirling around in my mind for what to write about. One might think it would be an obvious choice considering I have recently returned from a 2-week holiday in Iceland.
“Iceland?” you ask. Yes, Iceland. Canada’s Yukon claims to be the place of Magic & Mystery; but I think Iceland could just as well adopt that as their tag line. It is indeed a very magical place with plenty of mystery. And in all fairness, there were parts of Iceland that did remind us of locales in the Yukon and North West Territories.
As for why Iceland, well it is a bit of a convoluted story without really a beginning but rather layers. Iceland has been on our ‘someday’ list since we saw travel programs about the country on TV. Another layer has been that my husband and I talked of taking a ‘real’ trip (vs. a road trip) once our dog passed away. This, of course, was supposed to be a couple years away yet. We talked of a trip to Europe in that offhand way you do when it seems to be a far off dream.
The next layer was attending the Calgary Outdoor Trade Show the weekend after our beloved pet passed away. We stopped at the Tourism Iceland booth more out of curiosity than intent. After chatting with the lovely Icelandic lady (now a resident of Seattle), we inquired into prices (again thinking of our someday list). Turns out there was an affordable seat sale until the end of May (their off season). A bit more research when we got home, and it was decided. This would be our ‘real’ trip to commemorate a life well lived. Gracie would have loved it.
We thought of her often—especially since we essentially did a road trip in Iceland without her. Felt a little strange at times. We didn’t even change our road trip routine that much (other than we were not camping). Although we now had the freedom to check out indoor attractions, we still found ourselves principally sticking with outdoor ones of which there was an unending supply in that beautiful country. Sensory overload. For people who enjoy natural serenity, Iceland is paradise. However, the wind was a bit of a distraction some days.
When I think of my time in Iceland, the words calming and soothing come to mind. There was something truly magical and mysterious about that place. From the volcanic landscape, the folklore of trolls and elves, and charming people, to the natural beauty of craters, waterfalls, sparse but determined vegetation, rocky to sandy shorelines, majestic mountains, and pasture land dotted with sheep, dairy cows, and the quintessential Icelandic horse.
Life is not hurried on that small island. Centuries of a living in a harsh environment must have taught them that. While hard working, they take the time to enjoy what they do and appreciate the end results. And nothing matches their culinary results! The Icelanders know how to prepare food—even though much of it is imported contributing to the expense of it.
Somehow that country has found a way to marry tradition with technology. They keep up-to-date yet honour their rich history. They are proud of how far they have come since the first century—and rightly so. Maybe that is part of the magic and the mystery. Honoring the past while embracing the future. And a clear understanding of how their environment is key to their survival held in tension with the reality that it is also the source of their greatest challenge. Their respect for their homeland is admirable.
Maybe that’s part of why the place was so calming and soothing—not just the landscape and being close to nature—but also being in an unhurried culture that respects where they live and the continuity of life.
As you face another day in your own environment, your own culture, may you find a calming and soothing moment that embraces the essence of life—it’s connectedness and continuity.
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