Posted on Nov 16, 2012
So what to write about this month? What have I been working on recently? Well, being married, there’s always relationship stuff going on. Being a therapist, issues are raised on a near daily basis that can have a personal affect on me. The last book I read was about narcissism. Before that, the 2nd edition of Motherless Daughters. And before that, The Hobbit.
My notes after reading The Hobbit indicate the themes that stuck out for me were harrowing adventures and friendships. As I think back to that book, what strikes me is the unlikelihood of the friendships that developed. Under normal circumstances, the hobbit the book is named for and the companions he has adventures with (dwarfs) would not normally take a long journey together. But with the guidance of the wizard Gandolf, not only did friendships flourish between unlikely characters, but also new acquaintances were made who eventually helped each other out at significant moments.
As well, not only does the hobbit learn more about himself throughout his journey; but he also learns more about the creatures beyond the safety and security of his home base. Some creatures are dangerous and to be avoided if at all possible; others are friendly and necessary alliances to successfully navigate the rigors of their journey. And of course, some appear dangerous but end up in the friendly alliance category.
I’m sure we can all think of people that fit these categories that we have encountered on our journeys through life. Some making a greater impact than others—either positive or negative—shaping how our journey goes along. Some making it safer, others adding to the danger.
My re-reading of Motherless Daughters actually fits with this theme as well. A note I made about that book was that my mother’s life, as well as her death, has influenced who I have become. Her presence, as well as her absence, has impacted my journey: the adventures I have faced; the friendships developed, broken, or avoided; decisions made; paths not taken. I have on occasion wondered what my life would be like had my birth mother not died. Where would I have grown up? What schools would I have attended? What would I believe about myself? Would I have different friends, a different husband? The possibilities are endless. And really, all the mulling returns to where I am and how my journey has actually meandered along. The paths that were taken, the friendships made, locations visited, places lived.
Even the book about narcissism can find its way into this theme. As we journey along and encounter various people and adventures, we, at times, have to learn new skills to navigate better. We are all somewhere along the spectrum of narcissism—from healthy self-awareness to damaging unawareness of our true selves. This also means we daily encounter people somewhere on this spectrum. And the more damaging the unawareness, the more difficult the interpersonal relationships. If we cannot view ourselves or others in healthy terms, we cannot interact in healthy ways.
So what have you been reading lately? How has it affected your view of the world, relationships, your journey through life?
May your adventures on your journey add to your character, your relationships, and your outlook.
Happy travels.
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Posted on Oct 17, 2012
This has been quite the summer and fall in Alberta. Glorious warm days alternated with typical cool ones. The leaves are nearing the finish of their fall resplendence. Soon, there will be naked trees awaiting a blanket of snow. It will be gray and bleary for a while before the sparkle of snow blinds our vision on those winter days of luminous sunshine.
Once again, it is a time of transition. Not only is the weather preparing us for yet another season, but fall schedules and programming are underway. Gone are the glory days of summer. It is back to work or school or whatever it is that marks the change of season in our individual lives.
And as promised, I am ready to give an update on this transition phase in our lives with our new dog. I am happy to report that anxiety levels are definitely on the decline—for both human and canine. For some reason, I am pleasantly surprised that I was able to find my calm and assertive self. My inner Alpha has surfaced.
By all means, the transition phase is far from over. Elsa’s anxieties, while reduced, are nowhere near obliterated. There remains a lot of work ahead of us to maintain pack leader status and a balanced environment. Just when we think we are making headway, the boundaries are tested once again. However, it is requiring less and less energy to re-establish tested boundaries. There is improvement even in the midst of regression.
Good for me to note on a daily basis. I can wallow in frustration and discouragement, or I can remind myself of how much better it is than back in July. Really, there is remarkable improvement in just over 3 months. And even though there are rounds and rounds of behaviour modification, there is also the sweet reward of a sensitive and faithful companion—who “just knows” when we are sad and could use an extra snuggle or tears licked away.
Improvement in the midst of regression. Reward in the middle of an uphill battle. The spiral affect we all face. Just as we clear an upward swing, there follows the accompanying downward spiral. Back up we climb, only to slide back a bit. And on it goes—slowly inching our way upward, forward. Learning as we go.
With each correction Elsa receives, my confidence grows. With each loving lick, my heart is rewarded. And so we continue to spiral along. Each on our own spiral of personal growth, yet intertwined, learning from each other.
May you encounter moments of growth and reward with each passing spiral of your day.
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Posted on Sep 25, 2012
Life is good, but bad things happen. Bad things happen, but life is good. Been turning that phrase around in my head for a few days now.
Usually, I think in terms of ‘Bad things happen, but life goes on.’ Life is hard. Life is painful. A defeatist attitude, really, when I think about it. However, the phrase ‘bad things happen, but life is good’ smells strongly of that oft spoken cliché: Count your blessings. Difficult to do when faced with tough decisions, loss, or any number of life altering scenarios. Counting one’s blessings, while it does have its place in life—namely an attitude of gratitude, can have an invalidating or minimizing effect upon suffering. Life is hard. Life is painful. But life is also good.
However, my thoughts have strayed from the basic ‘count my blessings’ approach albeit that may have been the starting line. By looking at the broader picture, I have come to realize that Life, in itself, is good—regardless of circumstances—or even blessings. Life—the lungs breathing in and out, the heart pumping blood through arteries and veins—is nothing short of miraculous. Without those two actions, there is no Life. Without conception, gestation, and a successful birth, there is no Life. All processes beyond our control—notwithstanding our efforts to influence them.
While some days it may not feel like it, the ability to interact, make decisions, leave our mark on this world, renders life good. It is rather amazing that we get to breathe in and out as well as participate in Life as much as we choose to do so—and how we choose to do so.
Which brings me back to me back to my original statement. Life is good, but bad things happen. Life is hard. Life is painful. But Life, itself, is good.
So how will you celebrate the goodness of Life today, in amongst the pain and sufferings of daily life?
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