Posted on Aug 14, 2012
I am currently reading a book about trauma recovery called The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild (2000). While it is fascinating reading for myself, it certainly wouldn’t be for everyone. However, something I read just the other day has intrigued me and might be of interest for you as well.
When we talk of emotions, we tend to focus on the ‘negative’ ones such as sadness, anxiety, fear, grief. And sometimes when we get stuck in one of those states, we need to remind ourselves that said emotion will not last forever. When we feel stuck in sadness and are concerned about dipping into a depression, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that the sadness will not be permanent, it will pass. Sometimes all it takes is a good night’s rest or a proper meal. When we feel our anxieties rising, about to spiral out of control, we can remind ourselves that the anxiety attack will not overtake us, it too will pass. We may need to remind ourselves that we can handle a particular situation or that we are actually safe or can take safety measures.
What was new for me to consider was that no emotional state lasts forever—positive or negative. This would apply to positive emotions such as happiness, surprise, excitement, anticipation. In trauma recovery, this is important for survivors who have difficulty tolerating positive emotions as they can feel (be experienced in the body) similar to negative ones with accelerated heart rate and rapid breathing. The differentiating sensation will be body temperature—with ‘negative’ emotions, our body temperature drops whereas positive ones elicit a rise (p. 96).
We all have to learn to identify our emotions—for most it happens as we develop as children, for some it becomes necessary to acquire this skill in adulthood. Knowing how we experience emotions in our bodies is a key part of this skill. Tolerating these sensations is another aspect. And evidently knowing that none of these emotive states will last for long can help increase tolerance levels.
What intrigued me was not addressed in the book, but an idea that surfaced as I thought about happiness tolerance levels. So much of our lives are spent in the pursuit of happiness—or more likely, pleasure. It is an intrinsic value of our Western culture; whereas other cultures are more focused on family or daily survival. Obviously family and survival can contribute to happiness and pleasure. What intrigued me was our focus on happiness—which as an emotive state is fleeting in and of itself. We are constantly striving for something that is not naturally a stable state of being. We assume we are ‘supposed’ to be happy, and anything else is unacceptable. We bemoan ‘negative’ states of being and promote positive ones—when both are a natural part of life and neither lasts forever. Emotional states ebb and flow.
So what of longer lasting conditions such as depression, prolonged grief, chronic anxiety? While the same premise still applies (emotional states ebb and flow), we do sometimes find ourselves stuck in either an ebb or a flow. Depending on the person, that sometimes means medication to remind the mind and body how to function. For others, it requires a conscious choice to get help by other means (such as therapy, meditation, or better self-care with exercise, sleep, and nutrition) to help the mind and body get back into the natural ebb and flow once again.
Of course there are many layers to this premise that can be explored—such as what we do with our ebbs and flows of emotions. Even as I write this, my mood has improved by listening to upbeat music while a nasty storm slowly abates outside. The grey skies are gradually brightening, and I know the sun will shine once again. Just like the weather, there is one thing I can count on: my emotions are constantly in flux. What I choose to do with them is as important as that they exist—in their entire range—from ignoring them to appreciating and learning from them.
May you benefit from a full range of emotion—appreciating what you can experience and learn from each one.
Read More
Posted on Jul 18, 2012
The middle of July caught me quite unawares. Here it is a few days past, and I hadn’t given any thought to writing a blog entry. Normally there are numerous thoughts tumbling around in the agitator of my mind, but today I find myself wondering what it is I wish to write about.
Like last month, there would appear to be an obvious choice: our new dog—which could explain why blogging was the furthest thing from my mind. We brought home a 2 year old mutt (mainly a crossbreed of German Shepherd and Heeler—aka Australian Cattle dog) on July 2nd. Life has definitely been an adventure ever since.
A few things come to mind as I consider what to say about life with a new dog. Overall, she is well-behaved and already well-trained. She knows her basic commands and learned her new name, Elsa, very quickly. Being very affectionate, she is a joy to have around. Being very energetic, she requires plenty of exercise and stimulation. And as anyone familiar with canine behaviour knows, one must establish being pack leader to ensure life with a dog is a pleasurable experience. As renowned Dog Whisperer, Caesar Milan, notes: a dog needs exercise, discipline, then love to be balanced. I know a thing or two about being unbalanced myself!
So I am once again on a journey to find and assert my inner Alpha. Our previous rescue dog had similar issues to our new one, so pack leader status was hard-earned in that instance also. Hard to believe what we had all forgotten from our early years with Gracie. We are once again reminded daily of what it takes to be a pack leader—but with the knowledge that a beautiful, long-lasting relationship is the reward.
This need to establish Alpha coincides with my own personal journey to be strong and be my own person. Maybe it’s not a coincidence after all. There is a part of me that believes Elsa is meant to be a part of this small family. While it would be easy for me to stay in my familiar, unassertive ways, Elsa requires me to find within the calm assertiveness to be pack leader. Not an easy task.
There are many times my inner anxieties surface—which only fuel Elsa’s. She then believes she must take care of me. Of course, the irony is I am anxious about Elsa’s behaviour around other dogs whereas she only knows the anxiety, and thinks it is an external threat and not herself that I worry about. I must first convince myself that I can handle the situation before I can convince Elsa she also can be well-behaved around other dogs. Elsa is, in a way, forcing me to deal with my anxieties—discover their root sources, triggers, and eventually an antidote!
Some days I wonder what I have gotten myself into—especially with health concerns that are exacerbated by the physical and mental energy required to contain an excited dog. I remind myself that everyday there are improvements in the balance of home and dog—she is a very quick learner. There is also the reminder of the rich reward of relationship that we experienced with our previous dog. And hopefully there will also be the personal reward of tapping into my calm and assertive self.
It also helps to have understanding neighbours who walk past our place with their own dogs. Maybe in the very near future, I will be able to write about the success of our attempts to socialize this very excitable dog. In the meantime, I will have to discover ways to replenish my depleted energy resources—both mentally and physically—as well as manage those anxieties that surface.
May your day have moments of resurgence to counter the drains on your own inner resources.
Read More
Posted on Jun 14, 2012
Well, here we are in the middle of another month. There are a couple of options twirling around in my mind for what to write about. One might think it would be an obvious choice considering I have recently returned from a 2-week holiday in Iceland.
“Iceland?” you ask. Yes, Iceland. Canada’s Yukon claims to be the place of Magic & Mystery; but I think Iceland could just as well adopt that as their tag line. It is indeed a very magical place with plenty of mystery. And in all fairness, there were parts of Iceland that did remind us of locales in the Yukon and North West Territories.
As for why Iceland, well it is a bit of a convoluted story without really a beginning but rather layers. Iceland has been on our ‘someday’ list since we saw travel programs about the country on TV. Another layer has been that my husband and I talked of taking a ‘real’ trip (vs. a road trip) once our dog passed away. This, of course, was supposed to be a couple years away yet. We talked of a trip to Europe in that offhand way you do when it seems to be a far off dream.
The next layer was attending the Calgary Outdoor Trade Show the weekend after our beloved pet passed away. We stopped at the Tourism Iceland booth more out of curiosity than intent. After chatting with the lovely Icelandic lady (now a resident of Seattle), we inquired into prices (again thinking of our someday list). Turns out there was an affordable seat sale until the end of May (their off season). A bit more research when we got home, and it was decided. This would be our ‘real’ trip to commemorate a life well lived. Gracie would have loved it.
We thought of her often—especially since we essentially did a road trip in Iceland without her. Felt a little strange at times. We didn’t even change our road trip routine that much (other than we were not camping). Although we now had the freedom to check out indoor attractions, we still found ourselves principally sticking with outdoor ones of which there was an unending supply in that beautiful country. Sensory overload. For people who enjoy natural serenity, Iceland is paradise. However, the wind was a bit of a distraction some days.
When I think of my time in Iceland, the words calming and soothing come to mind. There was something truly magical and mysterious about that place. From the volcanic landscape, the folklore of trolls and elves, and charming people, to the natural beauty of craters, waterfalls, sparse but determined vegetation, rocky to sandy shorelines, majestic mountains, and pasture land dotted with sheep, dairy cows, and the quintessential Icelandic horse.
Life is not hurried on that small island. Centuries of a living in a harsh environment must have taught them that. While hard working, they take the time to enjoy what they do and appreciate the end results. And nothing matches their culinary results! The Icelanders know how to prepare food—even though much of it is imported contributing to the expense of it.
Somehow that country has found a way to marry tradition with technology. They keep up-to-date yet honour their rich history. They are proud of how far they have come since the first century—and rightly so. Maybe that is part of the magic and the mystery. Honoring the past while embracing the future. And a clear understanding of how their environment is key to their survival held in tension with the reality that it is also the source of their greatest challenge. Their respect for their homeland is admirable.
Maybe that’s part of why the place was so calming and soothing—not just the landscape and being close to nature—but also being in an unhurried culture that respects where they live and the continuity of life.
As you face another day in your own environment, your own culture, may you find a calming and soothing moment that embraces the essence of life—it’s connectedness and continuity.
Read More
