Posted on Aug 15, 2010
Grieving losses. Not something our society, our culture, is particularly good at. We have time, and place, and space—format—for grieving death—particularly of people, not always of animals/pets. But is that sufficient? What about the void left after the dust has settled?
Generally speaking, we are not well-equipped for dealing with loss. By loss, I broaden the scope of grieving to more than loved ones. We grieve (or not) for loss of jobs, hopes, dreams, plans, relationships, marriages, health, mobility, freedom, security, stability, ability, wealth, community, home, purpose—the list is endless.
However, we are often at a loss as to how to grieve these losses. In our ignorance, we push these losses aside, try to move forward, to get on with life. Yet to be mindful, to live soulfully, requires we pay attention to these losses. Give them their space; their due. Express our sadness, cry if we need to, accept the sadness as legitimate, hold a ceremony, mark the moment. Attend. In all forms of that verb.
Attend—as in show up, be present, pay attention, listen, concentrate, focus.
What if we observed the loss of job as well as celebrated the job promotion? To note the end of things (i.e. funerals, divorces, foreclosures) as well as the beginnings (births, weddings, house warmings). What would it look like to mark the passing of one chapter of our lives and usher in a new one? We are often good at celebrating. What about mourning?
And what would be the benefit? Most of us just want the bad stuff to go away and only welcome the good. If the disappointments and passings in our lives were given more attention, would they be more manageable—contrary to our self-preservation urges to ignore or minimize? Is it possible to give space for grief without it overwhelming us? Is that what we are afraid of—that the so-called negative emotions will overtake us, consume us? That we will never be able to feel positive emotions again if we give way to the ‘dark side’?
Perchance, if we were to attend to—be mindful of—our inner lives, our outer troubles may gain new perspective. It’s worth a try. An experiment in being. What would that look like? To live in each moment—whether it be a space of joy or sorrow.
May your life be fuller by living in the moment—whatever that particular moment brings.
Read More
Posted on Jul 15, 2010
Last month, in amongst the mindfulness of beauty, I raised the subject of adding soul to your life—or what can be thought of as living soulfully. This isn’t a new idea, or one unique to me. I have been encountering it in a number of different ways, but principally through reading Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore (1992).
Trying to simplify this subject into a single blog entry will be a bit of a challenge, but hopefully I can find a single nugget to present or package a few key ideas. Moore develops several themes in his book including defining soul. I will leave that to your own imagination and worldview. However you conceive of your soul, this entry will simply be to introduce you to, or encourage you to live, giving daily consideration to what your soul needs. Another theme that is crucial to the development of caring for the soul is that of mystery. In order to embrace soul, one also has to be open to the element of mystery—not easily done in our intellectually based society.
Intertwining all these themes, Moore tells us,
“The act of entering into the mysteries of the soul, without sentimentality or pessimism, encourages life to blossom forth according to its own designs and with its own unpredictable beauty. Care of the soul is not solving the puzzle of life; quite the opposite, it is an appreciation of the paradoxical mysteries that blend light and darkness into the grandeur of what human life and culture can be.”
(p. xix)
He goes on to say that,
“Observance of the soul can be deceptively simple. You take back what has been disowned. You work with what is, rather than with what you wish were there.” (p. 9)
I don’t know about you, but for me this is fairly significant—and maybe not as simple as suggested. To accept what is—and work with it—is profoundly straightforward yet extremely challenging. So often that is the hardest part—to accept what we have to work with—and to then work with it rather than deny, hide, or ignore it. For the most part, in striving for what we wish to be, we miss out on soul—the very essence of our being.
So where does one start with caring for the soul and hence living soulfully? Obviously we must acknowledge the existence of soul if we are going to care for it. In Moore’s overview of this endeavor we hear the basis of mindfulness:
“Care of the soul requires ongoing attention to every aspect of life. Essentially it is a cultivation of ordinary things in such a way that soul is nurtured and fostered.” (p. 177)
Ongoing attention. Cultivation of ordinary things. This concept is applicable to the gamut of human experience: from washing dishes to decorating for holidays and celebrations. This reminds me of another aspect of mindfulness worthy of further exploration—finding meaning and purpose in the randomness (and rituals) of life.
The final thought I would like to leave with you from Moore’s book is this,
“…when we try to live fully consciously in an intellectually predictable world, protected from all mysteries and comfortable with conformity, we lose our everyday opportunities for the soulful life. The intellect wants to know; the soul likes to be surprised.” (p. 233)
May you be pleasantly surprised in the days to come as your soul is nurtured and fostered by honouring the ordinariness of your life.
Read More
Posted on Jun 15, 2010
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius
While there are usually thousands (okay, maybe hundreds) of thoughts swirling around in my head in various degrees of fomentation, I have decided to share a few more thoughts on mindfulness—mainly because I keep bumping into that concept most frequently in my own life. The areas of application seem endless, and I would next like to explore being mindful of beauty.
“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God’s handwriting.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Much like we have opportunity to be conscious of our happy moments (see previous post), we can also pay attention to beautiful ones. There is beauty all around—and part of finding our connection to the Cosmos, the Big Picture (see March entry), can be found in being attentive to that Beauty.
However, most of us become absorbed in the significant, and necessary, comings and goings of our day that we fail to notice beauty. We miss so much, it seems, of real life—the stuff that adds purpose, and meaning, and fullness, and joy. So how do we participate in the everyday stuff of our lives while at the same time appreciating those elements that make the comings and goings worthwhile? Like happiness and beauty.
And is beauty limited to what we see? Maybe beauty isn’t limited to the eye of the beholder, but can also be found in the ear of the auditor (Look it up. The world also quite aptly means listener. My dictionary says so. Interesting, huh?). Helen Keller adds that,
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”
I haven’t got it all figured out yet myself. That is, after all, what life is about—figuring it out. So I’d love to hear how you incorporate ‘everyday Beauty’ into the daily grind. Some would call it ‘adding soul.’ But that’s another blog for another day.
For this entry, I welcome your comments on how you either add beauty to your day or take note of the beauty that’s already in it. This morning when I walked the dog, it struck me as a beautiful morning—even though it was overcast with rain residue in the air from the early morning shower with hints of more to come. It seemed to me such a quiet morning, and yet full of action for the clouds were visibly moving and the wind was making its presence known—all to the soundtrack of lively birds. Yet somehow in all that activity, I felt a stillness. And I was thankful. Grateful for the moment and hopeful for more to come.
May you experience Beauty in your day in all its varied forms and in unexpected ways.
Read More
