Posted on Nov 15, 2010
Words are powerful. We all know this regardless of what we were taught as children. Sticks and stones do break our bones and words do hurt us. Words can break our hearts, our spirits. They can confuse us, misdirect us, deceive us. Not all words, of course. Words also have the power to heal and uplift, to encourage and motivate, to soothe and nurture.
Words are powerful. They also carry different meanings for different people. The same words spoken to three people can be encouraging to one, mean little to another, and devastating to the third.
This came home for me awhile back when a number of people attempted to encourage me but their words had the opposite effect.
Now this is where it gets tricky as it involves two words that I believe don’t belong together: God and control. This is also dangerous territory because people have very strong beliefs about God, and about control, and about God being in control.
However, for me, that last thought is not comforting. It just raises all sorts of questions; and life ceases to make sense. I appreciate how Robert Fulghum (1991, p. 140) addresses this quandary:
In my childhood I was told that God was all-powerful and lived far, far away. And that I could not see him until after I died. When I asked why, if God was so powerful, there were children starving in Mexico, I was told it was the will of God and that I should not worry about it. Instead, I should be concerned about making sure I didn’t attend the upcoming high school prom, because dancing was a sin and I should try not to sin. Now I am older. And I know that God is everywhere and in all things. There is nowhere that God is not, even in me. I also know that starving comes from not having enough food, and that is a human problem about which something can be done. I know now that dancing comes from having much joy. And when everyone has enough to eat, everyone will dance, especially Howard [insert your name for God].
Hmmm…separating the stuff human’s are responsible from what God is all about. Not easy. We tend to get it all mixed up together sometimes. We expect God to deal with stuff that is really our stuff. Or we may have a view of God that expects the Higher Being to be the Great Fixer or Wish Granter. I am just sorting through that stuff for myself.
Something I am learning to do is invite God into the chaos that is my life. And just waiting—for God to show up. No expectations. Just an open curiosity. I like this approach better. Leaves more room for mystery—and pleasant surprises. And I no longer hold God responsible for all the bad stuff that happens in life. Rather, Life Happens. And God is already there as it happens.
Life happens. I can make demands and petitions to the Power(s) that Be, the Cosmos, Great Spirit, Higher Power, Transcendent Being, Immanent Being, God; but regardless, life happens. The good, the bad, the ugly. And the surprising, and the beautiful, and the amazing. In the midst of all that, if I pay attention or look closely, God shows up. God is already Present.
May you experience pleasant surprises in the coming days that only the Great Mystery can give—and not worry about who is in control, but embrace life as it happens knowing the Presence is already with you—it may just take a second (or third) look to see it.
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Posted on Oct 15, 2010
The last months have brought grief, anger, and intentional rest. My encounters with anger were surprising, frustrating, and educational.
Some of the craziness of life can spill over and affect seemingly unrelated areas. At one point, I realized that if I did not deal with my anger it would consume me. The clue or red flag that my anger required my attention: it felt like poison coursing through my veins. Not a good sign—nor a good feeling.
So I had some inner work to do. This anger wasn’t going anywhere; and the longer I nursed it, the more consuming it became and started to affect my relationships with other people. What to do? For one, I had to acknowledge it. It was a very real part of my life. It didn’t help putting a lid on it—the steam built up pressure sure to cause an explosion. It also didn’t help to spew it all over those around me.
But I did need to figure out a way to direct it. I call this using anger for good rather than evil. While most of us would hardly consider ourselves evil nor our actions, it is a concise statement to help us focus our energies. I had to find a way to channel my anger into positive change. And then I had let go of it.
While it still angers me to remember what transpired, it no longer consumes me—and I can make the choice to ‘not go there’ when thoughts traipse through my mind. However, I did have to do something to address the problem in a tactful manner. To resort to violence or passive aggression generates more pain and suffering rather than alleviates it. It takes a bit more effort to control emotions while expressing them and address the underlying issue. In addressing the issue and my anger, my goal is to do so with self-respect as well as respect for the others involved. Keeping this in my mind helps curb the temper tantrum temptation.
Our anger can stem from a lot of different things: disappointment, frustration, blocked goals, unmet expectations, being hurt, wronged in some manner, wrongfully accused, violated, broken trust, unfairness, righteous indignation, global concerns, local issues, backlog of unaddressed emotions, and the list goes on. Some matters are more easily addressed than others. But regardless of the precipitating event to our anger, each of us is responsible for our own responses, actions, and repercussions.
So my point? We can deal with our anger in ways that cause further damage, or we can find alternative solutions that produce positive change. This often requires some thought, patience, courage, and being mindful of our own needs as well as of those around us. Anger is an effective indicator that something requires attention. It may take some digging to unearth the real, underlying cause; but in doing so, we free ourselves to move on to other things—especially if we take the time to direct our angry energy into positive change.
My challenge to you this month is to join me in my attempts to use anger for good, as a motivator to make positive change. What changes are in store for you if you attend to what makes you angry?
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Posted on Sep 14, 2010
“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time”
~John Lubbock
Life can be very draining—as well as uplifting and energizing. However, at this moment in time, I am intimately acquainted with the former.
With all that has been going on lately, I have become increasingly aware of the importance of rest. Not just physical rest, but emotional and mental rest. While both forms of rest have their challenges—like getting to bed at a decent hour—the emotional and mental strains wear a person down differently and can be harder to address. When coupled together (physical and psychological fatigue), it becomes a train wreck waiting to happen.
This of course reminds me of my journey metaphor for life. It is for good reason that certain trails in various communities and hiking systems have benches placed strategically along the way. Sometimes these benches offer a great view, other times they are placed at the top (or even midway) of a strenuous incline. They can come in all shapes and sizes. Some rustic, others ornate, often influenced by their location. A few are even au natural—such as a fallen tree that is perfectly situated as a rest spot.
Life’s journey can be like that. Our rest spots can be rustic, ornate, or au natural. Sometimes we have to work hard at finding and/or making time for rest. Other times a tree falls in our way demanding that we stop for a minute and reassess where we are going.
Times of rejuvenation and refreshment can be ornate, like a tropical cruise, or as simple as a walk in a nearby park but away from the regular demands for our time and attention. And there are times when just a diversion will do—whether that be participating in the thrills at an amusement park, or losing oneself and one’s cares in a good book, television program, or movie.
Lately, I’ve come to realize that 5 minute rest breaks are also good for the soul—such as listening undistracted to a favourite song, watching the sun set (or rise), sip a cup of tea while watching the birds outside the window. Restful moments can be created anywhere, anytime. Takes a little practice—kind of like mindfulness—but once they are part of the routine, they can slow down an out-of-control day.
So my question to you is, what settles your spirit? What do you do to catch your breath? If you are running downhill or straining to make it uphill, what kind of bench would you like built into the pathways of your journey?
May you find the rest your spirit yearns for as you continue on.
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