Posted on Aug 17, 2016
“The most essential factor is persistence — the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.”
~ James Whitcomb Riley (American writer, poet, author)
The Olympics. Can’t say I’m a big fan. I watch a bit on TV with my husband here and there. Prefer winter Olympics over summer. Maybe because I live in a country with a long winter. Canadians take great pride in their winter sports and activities.
I’m also not an athletic person. I have never enjoyed, let alone excelled at, sports or physical activity in general. The only reason to move more as an adolescent was vanity: to be thin. Fitness was not a motivator. However, once my husband and brother introduced me to hiking and mountain biking in the Yukon, my interest changed to the pleasure of the activity, communing with nature, pushing physical proficiency, and sharing the experience with others. Of course, I was usually a bit behind the others which either spurred me on or frustrated me to tears.
As a child, I was the last one picked for teams. I was very un-co-ordinated, crossed the finish line dragging after the others, and struggled with performance. Teachers got frustrated with my tears and reluctance to participate. I hated running or any form of physical exertion. I was jealous of the classmate who had asthma and didn’t have to participate as fully in Phys. Ed. Now looking back, with my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome diagnosis, there were early signs of the illness—but I internalized my lack of physical prowess as being something wrong with me.
Internalized messages. They can haunt us all our lives and/or drive us to excel, perform, achieve. Olympians are obviously driven people. They are dedicated to their sport or activity. Synonyms or related words to dedication include: committment, application, diligence, industry, resolve, enthusiasm, zeal, conscientiousness, perseverance, persistence, tenacity, drive, staying power; hard work, effort—as in “athletic excellence requires dedication.”
And while I may not relate to dedication and its synonyms for athletic reasons, I can be inspired by the Olympic athletes for what it takes to live with mental illness. Committment, application, diligence, resolve, conscientiousness, perseverance, persistence, tenacity, and all the rest are necessary just to survive some days—even to get out of bed. Anxiety, depression, trauma, abuse, and the whole host of mental illness manifestations can suck the life right out of a person.
In order to survive and thrive, a person performs mental gymnastics on a regular basis to counter the internalized messages, the damaging thought patterns, the overwhelming emotions. And like athletes in training, mental gymnastics takes repetition, practice, and tenacity. Failure, setbacks, and discouragement will happen. But we learn to keep going, keep trying. Success in life demands it. Not success in the conventional meaning (money and power), but to live life fully engaged.
We can do this. Press on my fellow mental gymnasts!
“There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.”
~Kenneth H. Blanchard (leadership expert & author)
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Posted on Jul 16, 2016
Tragedy. It’s everywhere these days. What’s happening with our world? Where is all this global violence coming from? How have we progressed as a society in some ways, and yet regressed in others?
I don’t even know how to process all that’s going on in the world: from mass murdering people celebrating in France on Bastille Day, to the “gun slinging” in the States, to the murder of an innocent five-year-old child here in Alberta—just to name a few current events. The violence seems to be escalating along with climate change and natural disasters. How to make sense of it all?
For starters, suffering is “simply” part of life. There is no reason for it. It just is. Healing from tragedy requires us to make meaning of our personal suffering; but first we have to accept it as part of life. Suffering need not be taken as a personal agenda against us to teach us a lesson or test us—in fact that perspective can be very harmful. We can definitely learn lessons from or find meaning in what we experience, but that is not necessarily the reason for the suffering. Life happens to everyone. Everyone handles it differently. Some better than others. We can all learn from each other as we suffer commonly as a human race. Suffering can bring us together or draw us apart. Lately it seems to be more divisive than unifying.
Another basic human experience is that life is unfair. There are no guarantees or true talismans. At this thought, we can get sucked into despondency and depression. Or we can be motivated to love more, help more, share more, be more compassionate, be agents of change, be kind, be better humans. Live up to human potential rather than succumb to human baseness. Quit blaming and take ownership/responsibility. Set boundaries. Address disrespectful and harmful behaviour. Attend to each other. Appreciate. Make a difference. Expend positive energy. Contribute. Participate. Embrace. Promote healing and well being. The list is endless of the constructive ways we can effect change.
I really appreciate this quote by Dr. Sue Johnson, therapist and author:
Love has an immense ability to help heal the devastating wounds that life sometimes deals us. Love also enhances our sense of connection to the larger world. Loving responsiveness is the foundation of a truly compassionate, civilized society.
Somehow our world (and dare I say institutionalized religion) has lost touch with our fundamental need to love and be loved. I agree with A. Bertoli that our very purpose to be on this planet is to master loving each other. To take care of each other. We have failed miserably as a species to promote our very survival through compassionate care of one another and our world.
As overwhelming as it seems to correct this shift towards destruction of this planet and its occupants, we must grab onto hope that love will win in the end. We must reclaim our power to effect change through love and caring. We must redouble our efforts to be there for each other in all the suffering and tragedy that occurs all around us—even when we perpetrate the suffering and tragedy against ourselves as a global community. It’s heartbreaking to consider how we can be so cruel to each other. Let’s counter cruelty with connection and not division or separation.
How about this for a new twist on an old slogan: Keep Calm and Care On!
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Posted on Jun 28, 2016
Having recently returned from a two-week holiday, I’m finding it difficult to readjust to routine. It’s like I’ve lived in an alternate universe for those two weeks; and now I’m thrust back into the reality of life. In a way, the ‘fit’ feels off. Something’s been tweaked, and the system runs differently now. How do I fit back into the old routine when adjustments or fine tuning has taken place?
It’s not as if any life shattering event occurred. My holiday started with a few days in a cabin in the amazing Riding Mountain National Park (a true gem to discover). This was followed by a two-day conference focused on compassion (love unleashed). I also reconnected with two counselling instructors which was very meaningful.
Hot on the heels of that event came a family gathering. My aunt kept my arrival a secret, so there were a few shocked faces—but at least I was recognized after so many years since the last visit! For some of my extended family, it had been decades since they had last laid eyes on me.
Then came Father’s Day. Followed by a trip across the province to connect with a maternal second cousin once removed, and to learn more about my maternal grandfather’s parents and grandparents. I also got acquainted with where the family name of Barbara comes from. Apparently, I have a Great Great Grandmother Barbara. Over the years, there have been allusions to an enigmatic Aunt Barbara. Now I know she was the sister of my great grandmother (daughters of Great Great Grandma Barbara). And there is a distant family FULL of Barbara’s. And this elusive Aunt Barbara lived to 105! All this time she was alive and well in this country until 2002. Why I never met her, I will never know; but I am sad that I never had the opportunity to meet this remarkable namesake.
It was also an emotionally powerful experience to stand upon the same ground my birth mother would have stood upon as a young girl and adolescent (at her grandparents’ farm). I saw where my grandfather attended school (just up the road from his childhood home). As well, I took in the majesty of the tall poplar still standing on my great-great grandmother Barbara’s farm (one poplar had split in two and fallen, but was still there). My great-great grandfather never got to see the farm he purchased as he died en route. His body was shipped by train and is buried in the family cemetery on the farm.
After a full day of family research on my birth-mother’s side, the next day I spent a few special moments with my 98-year-old (step)grandmother who was thrilled to see me. Glad her mind was still capable of recognizing me even if conversation was disjointed and repetitive.
My father also provided more information about his grandparents from an old family book newly in his possession. So much information to take in! How will it affect how I see myself and tell my story? Will I remember all the stories told to me? Can I absorb the stories of the places I visited? Not just the family connections, but also the stories buried within the Riding Mountain National Park or the many people I met at the conference?
Connections. Some have huge impact, others are strictly “in the moment.” Some small connections have great significance and other significant connections have little impact. I do know that I feel fuller and more connected after my holiday. A subtle inner shift has occurred. Things are not the same. My framework is different. It had to be adjusted to accommodate all the new information. It changed how I see myself. I am a person who counts and matters. I’m part of a bigger story—not just family wise, but other connections as well.
I am a person with a story within a story. I am person of many stories interwoven with the innumerable stories of all the other connections. I am a connected and storied person.
What about you? What keeps you connected to the stories and the people?
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