Posted on Dec 28, 2017
December. Amazing how a month can become such a crazy time of year filled with hustle and bustle as well as intense emotion. We have so many associations with this time of year. Some positive, some negative. And yet it is meant to be a season of quiet reflection and regeneration—to ready us for the next year’s cycle of spring, summer, and fall.
As I reflected upon what to write for this month’s blog, the word that came to mind was Light. This entire holiday season is deeply rooted in the lunar calendar and the revolving rotations of the earth. It is the season of the Winter Solstice marking the shortest day of the year. This is the darkest period if you live in the northern, Northern Hemisphere—a place I am very fortunate to live as it lends itself well to this holiday season of Light. Christmas just isn’t the same if you live nearer to the equator or in the Southern Hemisphere. For me, growing up with Canadian winters, I cannot imagine experiencing Christmas in summer conditions!
This time of year is resplendent with light in various forms with diverse reasons. Christmas lights act like a beacon on the dark nights—guiding our eye to a symbol of warmth. The stars twinkle brighter. Even the sun casts a different glow. And I realize my perspective is a rural one. In urban centres, the decorative lights are a welcome change from the standard street lamps and advertising signs. Again, they serve to point the way to something more significant than “business as usual.”
Religious faith also imparts meaning to the Light of this season: Hanukkah, the Jewish Festival of Lights, celebrates the rededication of the Holy Temple after a time of oppression by the Greeks and the miraculous one-day supply of oil that lasted for eight days; for Christians, Christmas, celebrates the birth of Christ—the Light of the World; Kwanzaa is an African-American celebration that also incorporates candles into their customs representing family, loved ones, and reflection upon principles of importance.
A concept I have been recently introduced to is that of soul-light. I continue to read Anam Cara by John O’Donohue. And he presents a counter-intuitive concept of body and soul—that the body is actually within the soul, not vice versa. When we allow our soul-light to infuse our body, we alter our human experience on this planet as it allows us to honour and live out our True Selves. A meditation/mindfulness practice I have added to my morning routine is one of holding myself tight (wrapping myself in a hug) while inhaling my soul-light and exhaling the dark shadows. And it has definitely positively impacted how I start my day when I take the time for mindfulness meditation in the morning.
This year-end in the midst of winter is a season of Light expressed, symbolized, and manifested in many different ways. The short days of sunlight allow for longer periods of darkness creating a backdrop for lights to shine. Our lives our much the same, only in contrast with the dark shadows do our soul-lights shine the brightest. We appreciate all forms of light much differently this time of year; and we need to make room for quiet times of reflection in order to replenish our soul-light in readiness for a new year.
May you invite your soul-light to infuse your body and shine bright in 2018—regardless of what the year brings, what crawls out from the shadows, or what backdrop your life is set against. Peace, love, and joy in the New Year
Read More
Posted on Nov 11, 2017
I know we are well into November—and the onset of winter—but I will still refer to this as my fall blog. Hopefully next month, I will return to my regular monthly musings. So much has happened in my life since the spring. I have definitely traversed my own Heroine’s Journey—and it’s been quite the wild ride! To (re)discover one’s Self is…well, it’s quite beyond words, really. I do know that I am grateful for the opportunity taken. Intimidating and scary as it was to embark on this Journey, the rewards have been beyond estimation. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And I’ve no regrets.
I’ve looked back a few times (fortunately, not turning into a pillar of salt—for those familiar with the biblical OT story of Lot’s wife); but all I have seen is how far I’ve come. Obviously I am writing this while in a “good place.” There have definitely been many times of quiet (and not so quiet) despair. Along with the usual suspects of longing, anger, hurt, pain, insecurity, and intense confusion/questioning. I have had to close chapters of my life story and begin new ones.
Recently, my sister lent me a book called Anam Ċara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue (1997). Anam Ċara is Gaelic for soul friend. And while most of us look outside ourselves for that soul friend (and I am blessed to have more than one of those), I am learning to look inside myself as well. To befriend that deepest part of myself. Here’s a compilation of quotes that really resonated with me:
“The soul needs love as urgently as the body needs air. In the warmth of love, the soul can be itself. All the possibilities of your human destiny are asleep in your soul. You are here to realize and honour these possibilities. When love comes in to your life, unrecognized dimensions of your destiny awaken and blossom and grow. Possibility is the secret heart of time…Love is the nature of the soul. When we love and allow ourselves to be loved, we begin more and more to inhabit the kingdom of the eternal…We do not need to go out to find love; rather, we need to be still and let love discover us…We cannot fill up our emptiness with objects, possessions, or people. We have to go deeper into that emptiness; then we will find beneath nothingness the flame of love waiting to warm us.” (O’Donohue, pp. 9-12)
How beautiful is that! Which makes me think of the blogs I wrote about The Void (worth a re-read even for me). It’s something we all have to face, or else we get caught up in filling it with objects, possessions, or people—some leading to addictions of every shape, size, and colour. My “drug” of choice is food and sometimes retail therapy in the form of bargain hunting. In those moments, I have to become mindful of what is going on for me and choose a healthier coping strategy or method of self-soothing. Music is a big one for me—with no weight gain or self-loathing or over-spending. Journalling is another, as well as being out in nature.
One of the blessings of being where I am now is that I can look out my front window and observe nature without leaving the comfort of my cabin in cold weather! Yesterday, a wood pecker decided to taste-test the exterior of my humble abode right by the window. Fortunately, it didn’t have the right flavour; so he moved on to something more palatable. I also saw a deer in the distance; but the trees directly in front of my cabin blocked my view. Back to watching the wood pecker and other perching birds. Reminds me, I need to refill the bird feeder.
Pardon the wandering off on a rabbit trail.? Back to possibilities: “All the possibilities of your human destiny are asleep in your soul. You are here to realize and honour these possibilities.”(O’Donohue, p. 9) Within that inner Void lie possibilities. If we drown out the Void, we miss out. Embarking on my Heroine’s Journey of self discovery provided me the opportunity to realize and honour the possibilities deep within—to live out my True Self—to find my purpose. We each have personal purpose lying within the Void of possibilities. Your destiny—should you wish to accept it—is waiting to be awakened.
The word that struck me was “honour.” I cannot honour what lies deep within if I don’t befriend my soul—if I don’t allow myself to love and be loved—if I don’t look beneath the nothingness to find the flame of love waiting to ignite me. I am reminded of another Celtic concept: praying through the elements, particularly breathing in the Fiery Presence to become Fire. I need to let go of self-denial and self-denigration if I am to honour and realize the possibilities within—to be ignited or set on fire, as it were.
This brings to mind a quote by Marianne Williamson that has been used in a couple of “overcoming-the-odds” movies such as Coach Carter (2005) starring Samuel L. Jackson and Akeela and the Bee (2006) with Angela Bassett, Laurence Fishburne, and Keke Palmer. On a side note, these movies follow the Hero’s Quest motif from each gender’s perspective: Coach Carter, the masculine; Akeela and the Bee, the feminine.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
(pp. 190-191 of “A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles” by Marianne Williamson, 1993)
Embrace your possibilities. Or we risk growing stagnant, even bitter and resentful. Incapable of giving and receiving love.
“Others want to love, to give themselves, but they have no energy. They carry around in their hearts the corpses of past relationships and are addicted to hurt as confirmation of identity.” (O’Donohue, pp. 12-13)
What a profound metaphor for how we self-sabotage. We carry around the corpses of past relationships (the wounding by others). We can’t let go and free ourselves to honour possibilities. We strangely think that if we let go, we lose our sense of self, our identity. Somehow we have become convinced that the hurt is who we are. We become stuck in victim mode. Let go of the past hurts. Release yourself to live anew. To become a world of possibilities…
”To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.” poet William Blake (1757-1827)
That pep talk is as much for me as for you dear readers, my friends and fellow life-travellers. I may need to post the phrase, “Embrace your possibility,” somewhere I can see it everyday; along with “Befriend your own soul.” That really could be a killer combination—befriending myself and embracing the possibilities that surface. Who knows what could all come of that! ?
So…Allow the inner Void to exist. Peer over the edge. Let the spaciousness you see speak to you. And then look past, beneath the nothingness, to the flame of love waiting to warm and ignite you. It will illuminate the possibilities just waiting to be honoured and realized.
Read More
Posted on Feb 16, 2017
In December’s blog, I opened the discourse about sexual assault. And in that blog, I introduced the idea of the messages we receive about what it means to be a sexual being.
We are bombarded with social images and concepts about what it means to be sexual with the opposite sex. Standards are set. Often there are competing and conflicting standards from media, parents and family, peers, institutions, religious convictions, etc. Fairly new on the scene is the concept of a spectrum for sexuality and gender. Not everyone fits conveniently into a heterosexual box or even a male-female polarization. And if you happen to be one of those people who is not easily “defined” by sexual standards or gender boxes, it can be very confusing and even complicated. Other issues surface including sense of self, victimization and abuse, exclusion, isolation, defamation, equality, and the list goes on.
Sexuality is deeply personal. It is not as simple as checking off a box, joining a certain group. It is tied to our very essence—our soul. How we see ourselves is impacted by the messages we receive about what it means to be a man or a woman (which can be very limiting) and what it means to engage in sexual experiences. In order to embrace who we are as individual persons, we have to set aside gender at the same time as honour the bodies that our essence comes in. In my utopia, people will learn what it means to be fellow (as in equal) human beings (without prejudicial labels) before stepping onto the trampoline of gender and sexuality. However, we are not there yet. Not even close. It is a different conceptualization to consider humanity at the core with gender and sexuality as expressions of a unique person—having no bearing on their value or ability to contribute to communal life on this planet.
So we have two things held in tension: gender and sexuality along with equality; which is a whole other discussion that I may take on in a future blog. And once again, I went in a direction different than intended; so let’s get back to what was initially on my mind: what we believe it means to be a sexual being, and what we believe about the act of sex itself.
Each sexual encounter can hold different meanings. There is the physical release (including all those bonding hormones that can make it a wonderfully satisfying experience; but for some, the focus is the adrenaline rush, not intimacy). There can also be a spiritual connection, when we invite that to be a part of it. And there is the intense confusion when the physical release by the body, naturally responding as it does to stimulation, is combined with manipulation and control. There is also the mental shut down (dissociation) that prevents a person from having any positive associations with sex or blocks unpleasant sexual experiences. Definitely not one-size-fits-all.
As for beliefs about personal female sexuality, one author* has broken it down to four basic cultural beliefs:
1) I must be good to be worthy of love.
2) I am not really a woman unless someone desires me sexually or romantically.
3) If I am sexual, I am bad.
4) I must be sexual to be lovable.
None of these internalized messages are healthy perceptions of oneself as a sexual being. They are reflections of an externally-based sense of self: how others perceive me influences my worth or value. Human value is innate. Everyone has the Breath of Life. It is not determined by external forces such as money, power, actions, acquisitions, attention, accolades, or achievements. No one person is more valuable than the next. We may do different things with our unique lives, but one’s choices do not determine one’s value. Our choices determine the trajectory of our lives. Our choices give expression to our human uniqueness. And the choices of others do not have any bearing on our value—maybe what happens to us, but not our core value.
Seeing ourselves as worthy of love and respect from the inside generates a different way of being in the world—including how we express our sexuality. Our sexuality is not about proving a point, earning approval, fulfilling obligations, performing a duty, or serving another person. It is not about inferiority or superiority. We need to reclaim our sexuality from the harmful internalized messages. It is part of being human, not a means to an end.
On my healing journey, I’ve had to reclaim my sexuality as being part of who I am, not a right or duty or something to be denied, hidden. I have had to untangle the conflicting messages I was fed. Sex isn’t bad. Being good doesn’t mean not having sex. I don’t have to be “good” (non-sexual) to be worthy of love. Nor do I have to be sexual (“bad”) to be lovable. A man’s attention does not validate me as a woman. I do not need to be desired to be female or even a person of worth and value. I am a person in my own right—it is not dependent upon how others see me or treat me.
My personal choices are a way to express my sexuality on my own terms and within my own boundaries. It is not something to be taken advantage of, violated, or exploited. I must also respect the boundaries of others and be mindful of how my choices may be received by others. Being a whole (integrated) human being in our society is not black and white. It is not a matter of right or wrong. It requires being respectful of ourselves and others. It is a delicate dance that requires we pay attention to subtle shifts in body language, the words people say, and what remains unsaid.
Sexuality is first and foremost about respect, with safety and security a close second. It is about setting boundaries as well as honouring boundaries. It is about understanding innate worth and value. It is not about defining ourselves to fit social standards but about understanding who we are at our very core.
May your journey of self-discovery include what it means to be the person you are in the package that you come in. Namaste: The Spirit within me salutes the Spirit in you.
*Ready to Heal: Break Free of Addictive Relationships by Kelly McDaniel (2012), pp. 73-8.
Read More
Posted on Apr 17, 2016
I read an article this morning about a different way to approach life with nondualism—judging things as neither good nor bad, but just “is.” The article began with an Asian parable about a farmer who lived in rural China hundreds of years ago.
[The farmer] had a son who was the apple of his eye and owned a prize stallion that he treasured. At the end of a long day, the farmer noticed that the gate to his pasture was open and that his stately horse was nowhere to be seen. When the villagers found out that his stallion was missing, they came over one by one and announced their condolences. They said, “Your valuable stallion is gone. Oh, it is so bad!” The farmer answered, “Who knows? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.” The people returned to their homes.
The next day the farmer sent his son to search far and wide for the stallion. He found it grazing in a field several miles away with another majestic steed and was able to guide them both back to the farm. The villagers came round again and declared, “You have reclaimed your noble stallion and acquired another beautiful horse to boot! Oh, it is so good!” The farmer answered, “Who knows? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.” The people returned to their homes.
The following day when his son was attempting to break in the new horse, it bucked him off and he crashed to the ground, breaking his leg. All the villagers came over and asserted, “That foul beast has broken your son’s leg! Oh, it is so bad!” The farmer answered, “Who knows? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.” The people returned to their homes.
As it happens, the emperor’s army entered the village the next day announcing that a war was starting and all of the young men were required to enlist. The farmer’s son could not go because he had a broken leg. The villagers congregated at the farmer’s home once again and proclaimed, “Your son’s leg is broken, so he cannot go to war! Oh, it is so good!” The farmer answered, “Who knows? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.” The people returned to their homes. And so it goes…[1]
We have a tendency to label experiences and people as good or bad depending on our levels of pleasure or pain. We reject the one but embrace the other, trying to force the good to stay and the bad to go, putting a lot of energy into manipulating life’s experiences towards only those labelled good. To quote the author,
The truth is that no event or person is inherently good or bad, but rather everything just is; and in this “isness,” there is an opportunity to love. People and events are neutral. The experiences of pleasure and pain do not define the inherent value of events; and the choices that people make do not define their worth…Dualistic thinking sees the world as either/or, setting things in opposition to one another.
Nondualism, on the other hand, allows for experiences and people to be “both/and.” Instead of dividing into groups or categories, unity is possible. Experiences and people can be both good and bad. There is possibility for love and for growth no matter what the label might be of a person or experience. Good can come out of negative situations as seen by the above parable.
However, if we are constantly rejecting “bad” experiences and people while straining to hang onto the “good,” we thwart living fully and completely. We miss out on the “isness” of life. All experiences and people have the potential for good and for bad. It is up to us to alter our perspective so as to embrace unity and neutrality—living with the “both/and” perspective rather than segregating with “either/or.”
This is something for me to think about: how I label experiences and people which only shortchanges me. This is not to say we condone injustice or wrongdoing; but it certainly affects how we approach righting the wrongs of this world. Do we welcome or reject? Do we include or exclude? Do we show love or hatred or apathy? Is there opportunity for growth or risk of stagnation?
May you find love, growth, and fullness by embracing the “isness” of life.
[1] Excerpts from article entitled “Who knows?: On Nondualism and Spiritual Direction” by Andrea “Ani” Vidrine as published in Presence, Vol. 21, No. 3, p. 43-44.
Read More
Posted on Mar 20, 2016
May the blessing of light be on you—
light without and light within.
May the blessed sunlight shine on you
and warm your heart
till it glows like a great peat fire.
~An Old Celtic Blessing
Today, March 20th, is the Spring Equinox or First Day of Spring of 2016. It is also just a few days past St. Patrick’s Day. So the above Celtic Blessing seemed appropriate to me. Celebrating spring with a touch of the Irish.
Spring is oft perceived as the season of new beginnings, new birth, and new growth. Spirits rise with the balmy weather and increased daylight. We are more motivated to make changes this time of year than any other. Some argue that this is the season for making resolutions as opposed to the dead of winter when the New Year rings in. Others consider autumn a new year of sorts with the return to routines of school and work after summer holidays and activities.
For whatever reason, spring has an air of anticipation to it. We look forward to warmer, sunnier days; planting gardens; planning trips; being outside more. All contribute to a closeness with nature and growth. Are we pondering to try new things this spring? To stretch ourselves out of our winter slumber? To improve our quality of life in some way?
Last month I wrote about the death of my maternal grandmother that got me thinking about family and our places within it, connection and a sense of belonging, understanding ourselves in the context of families. I have sorted through some of my childhood experiences and deep-rooted beliefs. Treasuring some, discarding others. Not unlike cleaning out our closets with the changing seasons.
When we change our wardrobes, we welcome back outfits that give us pleasure and still fit! We also have to let go of those items that no longer fit, serve a purpose, or please us. We make decisions to sculpt our ideal body with diet and exercise—often thinking back to a previous size or hoping for a different size and shape in the future. Sometimes we succumb to discouragement in our desires for the perfect wardrobe, body, life.
It is also beneficial to clear out our minds. A mental spring cleaning. Do we make time for quiet reflection to accomplish this goal? Do we pay attention to the internal clutter? Allow ourselves to sense the inner shifting and bring it forward into daily life? Or do we rush around, distracting ourselves with busy-ness, ignoring our interior world?
Maybe the mental spring cleaning is too scary. We fear bringing our innermost thoughts and feelings into the light. We don’t want to face what doesn’t fit anymore. There is comfort in the familiar after all. But just as the spring weather warms the earth generating new life from the sleeping ground, so too we must cast light upon our inner world to encourage growth or we risk rot and stagnation.
We must face the thoughts that help us and those that hinder us. And make adjustments as necessary. It certainly is a long process, not accomplished over night. It requires persistence, patience, and courage. For me, it also requires stepping into the light: embracing all that I am and want to be. Looking closely at what needs to change, what needs to grow, what needs to be let go, what needs acceptance. Risk leaving my comfort zone.
What about you? Are you ready for spring? For growth and renewal?
May the Light be upon you as you trust the process and boldly go forth into this new season.
Read More
Posted on Jul 16, 2015
“We humans have lost the wisdom of genuinely resting and relaxing. We worry too much. We don’t allow our bodies to heal, and we don’t allow our minds and hearts to heal.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
This theme or concept of resting has crossed my path a few times and in different ways over the past couple of weeks including Facebook quotes. I think it began when clients didn’t book the days around Canada Day; and I was given a ‘mandatory’ rest of a very lengthy week-end. The following couple of weeks have been lightly booked with clients providing yet more rest. And as a recovering workaholic, this has been the source of some stress. But surprisingly less than usual.
Maybe I am starting to get the hang of this resting and relaxing business. I certainly have not minded the down time to get caught up on reading and my own personal quiet times of reflection…which brings me to the next quote:
“Difficult problems take time to resolve. The more frantically you pick at knots, the more entangled they can become. To untangle yourself try relaxing. Gently and patiently work with your difficulties and in time you will be freed from what now seems impossible.”
~ Bryant McGill
During this time of ‘rest and relaxation,’ I have had opportunity to let go of some persistent worries (such as “Down time is nice, but so is financial security!”) in order for them to work themselves out rather than have me fuss over them getting further entangled and knotted. So it’s been quite the liberating experience to step back, cease worrying, and just be. And hence the third Facebook quote:
“You must let life flow naturally, for life’s secret is patience; you must stop pushing for change and allow things to unfold.”
~Leon Brown
Between mulling over this unprecedented decline in client load (plus what to do about it) and financial responsibilities is plenty of opportunity to relax and just be. Having faith in the “Greater Good/Universe/God/Higher Power/Creator” certainly has helped as well. But it’s one thing to believe in something and quite another to follow through. Here is my opportunity to stop fretting and allow things to unfold.
My body and soul have appreciated the slower pace even if my brain has other (legitimate) concerns. However, faith and experience are teaching me to let go—to uncurl my tightly clenched hands, to relinquish (perceived) control, to quit worrying knots into tangled messes, to step back and be patient, to rest and relax—allowing my body, mind and heart to heal—and to stop all that pushing for change and allow things to unfold.
An image comes to mind of a flower bud slowly unfurling to reveal its full beauty and fragrance. Picking at the petals of the closed bud won’t bring forth an open bloom but will only damage what must emerge with time and patience. This time of unexpected quiet for me is like a bud waiting to open to something even better and more brilliant.
What’s required of me? Patience and faith. For fretting is like picking the petals of the bud trying to force it to open.
May you have the faith and patience to rest and relax knowing things will unfold in their own time and way. You’ll see.
Read More
